Pagan News and Views Since 1998

My first blog post...

I have been a member of sense 2004ish, and a lifetime member sense 2006ish, and it has just come to my attention that I have been neglecting my studies. I have not done anything on this website in a very long time, and I have made a personal resolution to change that. The first point of order I suppose would be to let anyone that cares know who I am.

My name is Mathew, In the magic community, and sometimes on the streets I go by a variety of names, including "lonewolf", and "wraith". Both of these names were given to me by close friends, and it seemed fitting depending on what situation I found myself in, I can identify how people know me by how they refer to me. Anyone here can just call me Mat, or any other name they can come up with that seems fitting...

I was born in Rochester, Ny in 1985, that makes me 26 years old...and goddess do I feel much older some days. My parents trying to be good upstanding Christians had a shotgun wedding of sorts, as became evident to me when I grew older and realized that their anniversary is the 5th of July, and my birthday was the 22nd of the same month in the same year... Through my early childhood I watched my family fall apart, come back together, and fall apart once again, until finally in 2003 my father moved 800 miles away to be closer to his family...which I suppose was more important at that point in his life then remaining close to this family. {this may not all seem relevant now, but just wait, I'll tie in later}

Growing up I knew that something was different about me, I was not the same as everyone around me, I felt differently then I knew everyone around me did. I could feel things... I could feel pain, sorrow, joy, and other feelings that were not mine. I couldn't explain it, so I ignored it for much of my childhood. At around 9 years old I started to turn toxic, I was lashing out, getting into fights, and having the cops at the house twice a week because of my "temper". I was promptly medicated, and watched carefully. The medication did a lot for me, it quieted my mind, and slowed my "temper" but it also left me with out the "feelings" I had been experiencing for most of my life. By the age of 14 I had settled down for the most part and became the stand up teenager everyone knew I should be, and I was ignored. By now, not having these feelings coursing through me was making me feel cold, separated, and disconnected. I started to ween myself off of the "medication" they put me on, and I felt the feelings return.

It was about this time when my best friend, committed suicide. We were more then best friends though, our souls connected on a level that I knew would never be fully understood by us, let alone the rest of the world... I hurt, I felt pain like I had never felt before...Oddly enough it was his family that helped me through a lot of the grief process, reminding me that everything I was feeling, and experiencing was all *me" it was natural, and normal. At that point I knew that they understood more of what was going on then I even did.

It was one day sitting on the couch at my friends house with his mother sitting next to me, we were all talking, and she put a hand on my shoulder. I could feel this sensation that is really hard to describe...if forced to I would say it was a "tingly warmth". She looked at me very matter of factly and said "I know whats going on here hun" as she looked to her husband, she said "he's a collector". They explained to me that sometimes people are born with gifts, gifts that enable them to do extraordinary things. She said that I was born with a gift of being an Empath, my temper, and need for medication was born from the fact that for the last 14 years of my life I had been collecting energies, and not realizing what to do with it, where they come from, or how to take care of it. It was that moment that I discovered Wicca.

They helped me to learn what this gift entails, how this gift can help people, how to take care of myself so I don't get run down, and a year later, gave me my first pentacle, and later initiated me. Sense then I have learned that not only was I gifted by being an empath, I was also a natural at projecting energy, which has comes into use with my study of Reiki. Interesting side note: apparently it is not limited to my hands, because my cat loves to sit on my lap while I am meditating.

Later I learned that my heritage is Cherokee Indian, German, and a little bit of dutch. My great aunt on my father's side was a diviner, she read tea leaves, at a very young age, and when we were cleaning her house out, found a stash of tarrot cards, and other divination stuffs, including a shadow mirror, which I am still trying to get the hang of. Her father was the same way and taught her.

I now have a child who is 7...I'll let you do that math on that one. She is a beautiful blessing that I Cherish daily. Her mother is not in our lives, as she decided that her life should take another path, no hard feelings there though...I loved her enough to realize I had to let her go. I am not going to lie, I struggle daily with being a single parent, and the fact that everyone at pta meetings, and open houses are all older then I. I am currently back in school myself, aspiring to achieve my Ph.D in criminal psychopathology, my goal is to help other people through understanding, compassion, and education.

If anyone has any questions, comments, concerns, or just want to get to know me, I am an open book, just ask...

Love and Light,

Views: 79

Comment by Rev. Elizabeth Hamilton HPS on December 31, 2011 at 12:13pm

A collector! That's a great explanation :)

And it makes sense your cat likes Reiki and energy... cats are highly sensitive. Some like it, others, not so much. Energy can be projected from any part of the body, so try not to limit yourself.

Keep up the awesome work -- great first blog post!


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