Pagan News and Views Since 1998

I first came to this path in 2010, and in spite the fact that I knew at once that this was where I belonged, I was unable to devote myself fully to it at that time. But I always knew that when the time was right, and I had progressed sufficiently in turning my life around, I would be back. In 30+ years of spiritual seeking, nothing has ever resonated with me the way this path has, and from the day I first encountered the Goddess, my life has transformed dramatically for the better.

For the first time in my life, I finally knew that the voice that had been whispering to me on both winter, and summer breezes my whole life, was not a trick of the mind, or a warning sign of impending mental illness. No, the voice now had a face.

I now knew that the maternal spirit which had always been with me; the voice, whose face I have been seeking, the voice that never once failed to comfort me, to guide me, and especially to protect me from myself. In spite of countless foolish choices, I made as a young man, that voice was in fact, the Goddess, not just a "mother nature" archetypal, or mythological figure, but a real living and breathing mother goddess who had taken me under her wing, long before I even knew she existed, or knew her name...

The transformation in my life has been so monumental, and so abrupt that there are times when even I, myself, can't believe where I sit today, relative to where I came from. None of it would have been possible had I not consciously invited the Goddess into my life. I have no idea why she has blessed me so, but I am more grateful than words could ever adequately express.

An old friend from recovery used to pray to his deity in the hopes of never getting what he felt he deserved, based on the life he had lived. Having lived a similar story to his, I, understandably had similar concerns. There is no doubt in my mind, that by all rights of the life choices I have made in the past; I should be DEAD.

But, I am not, and that is because in the depths of the despair brought on by my plight, I knelt on my concrete apartment floor, my face swollen with tears, my heart burning with a fierce longing to be made whole, to be restored. As my knees grew numb, my eyes stung, and my heart ached inconsolably, I called out to Hecate, asking Her to give me the strength to do what I had thus far been unable to do for myself.

I asked her to give me the strength, the courage, and anything else I would need to leave my addiction behind me once and for all. I told her how I confident I am, that I have so much to offer this world if only I could somehow overcome my demons and break out of the self-destructive patterns which had held me prisoner for 30+ years.

As I said, I have been on fire for this path from the moment I first became aware of it, but many issues in my personal life prevented me from giving myself entirely to my studies / practice. My progress on those issues has reached a point where I have found myself drawn back to the path. I am ready, and I have cleared away the wreckage of what once was, so that I might now begin to take the necessary steps to make room for what I have always known, is to come.

“I ask not for any crown
But that which all may win;
Nor try to conquer any world
Except the one within.”

― Louisa May Alcott

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