The title of this blog may be misleading, because there is no way to 100% insure that you will NOT EVER be lonely feeling. But my hope is to give you a little bit of comfort and tips if you are a solitary, and are feeling a little isolated...
I feel there are 2 types of solitary practitioners; those who have or would belong to a group but choose otherwise, and those who are solitary because they cannot join a group (for whatever reason) so they must practice alone.
First off, we must recognize that within Traditional Wicca, the focus was on the group, the coven. No one was "self taught" like today. A lot of people feel that you cannot learn or experience wicca and magic without IN PERSON mentoring. That said, I feel this is impractical and to some degree, untrue.
Can an author/ mentor know that their readers or students are doing the work and doing it "right"?.... No, but being an optimist with faith in humanity, I feel those with the sincerest intentions will DO the work, because they know it will lead to their own spiritual growth. Also, it is very difficult for someone who hasn't done the work to accurately explain the feeling of these experiences, the feeling of energy, of grounding, and of trance.
But, I am drifting away from my goal.... A lot of us are solitary, or "part time" solitary. At first, when everything is new, and exciting, and deep being a solitary is EASY. You spend your time studying fascinating, exciting ideas and concepts. You try a few exercises and low and behold... THEY WORK!
However you cannot be a person alone. We are a social species and we learn about ourselves through interaction with others. Almost every single faith is "group based". They offer individual benefits, yes, but you learn and grow through interacting with yourself AND others. Early "coven" wicca was this way. They energy was raised and directed in a group, with a heavy emphasis on union and transference.
However, wicca today is probably comprised of more solitaries than it is of coveners. Solitary practice is the best way to get in touch with your self, to find confidence spiritually and emotionally, and to follow your own path. Solitary wicca can look however you want it to... truly! Who is to say otherwise?
Loneliness arises when we feel lost, unsure, scared, disconnected, or "tapped out". We relay our cofidence off of the actions of others, this is natural. If you have ever decided to do a skyclad ritual and suddenly you think ; "somehow, for some reason, i would feel a lot less silly if there were 3 or 4 other people in the room doing a ritual naked with me" you know what I mean. We never ever want to be the only one. That is what is good about being a solitary.... eventually you build the confidence to not NEED validation from your peers. If you are certain the sky is green, you don't need everyone to agree, and you don't think you are crazy.
But getting to that point takes time... a lot of it.
The other problem we face as solitaries, is eventually you hit the solitary "ceiling". 99% of information about wicca is "wicca 101". It is the smae thing over and over in book after book. Yeahm one book says that fire is red, and in the next it is orange... but essentially they all go something like this"
1. The wiccan rede and the law of return
2. Wiccans aren't satanists.
3. How to set up an altar
4. How to cast a circle
5. How to open a circle
6. The Sabbats
7. Other Rituals
10. Thanks, read my other books!
Of course the other books are generally the same as book #1, worded differently, with a few more spells and rituals.
SO as a solitary you give up after book 10 that says the same things as all your other books... you are lost, and you feel that MAYBE if you joined a group, they would be able to give you more....
Chances are if you joined a group, you would find that they don't have as much as you thought... but that is a sidenote.
The question is after wicca 101, where do you go? How do you feel not so alone... so stuck?
Here then are MY TIPS FOR THE LONELY SOLITARY:
1. If you are stuck, branch out... Read more, outside of specifically "wicca" books. Good ones are the Kyballion, The Golden Bough, any book by Paracelsus, Anthropology Texts, Vedic Texts, Mythology (any Pantheon), Art History, Martial Arts Texts, Scientific Theory... whatever gets you thinking.... then REAPPLY it... Make it part of you, part of wicca (if it rings true of course)
2. Start Reflecting... whether it is journaling, art, blogs, vlogs, or meditation... take some serious time and mull over your thoughts... I used to journal to my spirit guide. I would start each entry like a letter; "dear _______,..." You can give yourself a lot more comfort and "community" than you realise. Allow yourself to talk and discuss with yourself. If you are confused about something, consider two sides of the issue and debate them, listing the pros and cons of each...
3. Reach out. If you can, start discussing your ideas or beliefs in online forums, or join a chatroom and start talking. You can really find a sense of belonging in online groups, especially if you see the "person" behind the computer screen. If online is not an option... express your faith by joining groups (even non-pagan ones) that align with your values. Sometimes when we are alone all we need is another person around... it doesn't matter what we are DOING together, as long as we a are together.
4. Don't forget there is life beyond wicca. A practicing wiccan is wiccan 100% of the time, HOWEVER, that doesn't mean they focus on it 100% of the time. You are not a bad wiccan if you get "burnt out" occasionally. If you miss the full moon esbat because you went to a movie, that is ok! Every full moon and dark moon I TRY to do a ritual, however, life happens. What I DO, however, is recognize the occasion, and make sure to at least mentally connect for a few minutes with the gods.The mistake some solitaries make is to neglect the rest of thier lives by focusing too much on wicca. Remember, we have faith and spirituality to better our lives, NOT life to better our faith and spirituality. Sound odd? If we are living for the benefit of our souls, we still cant forget we are here to LIVE. Sometimes, that means skipping the spiritual to enjoy the mundane.
5. learn to self-validate. Every day look in the mirror and say'; "I am beautiful/handsome, inquisitive, strong, focused, intelligent, important, spiritual and divine". People with a healthy self image are healthier in general. I am not saying that you have to be completely vain, or feel "better" than everyone else. Self validation helps you be truly, deeply, confident and satisfied. You can always improve, of course... but as a solitary you need to be able to rest your confidence in YOURSELF. You are in the uncomfortable position of being both student and teacher... you are a true leader and you MUST believe it.
Do I have lonely days? Heck ya! Days where I feel inadequate, yes. However... the more I feel like I am a person worth hanging out with, who has interesting thoughts and ideas, and is a hoot, I feel a little less lonely, and a lot happier to be so luck to be with me!! hehehe...