For once in a very long time I have set out to find my spirit guide.
I have had to spirit guides in my lifetime:
Timothy (a boy from about 1918 who died of tuberculosis and was 10)
and Ai (a strange and ambigous being with horns, but not a demon or pan... just a guide, but female)
Both of them "came to me"... I was open and they came. Timothy was the first "person" to get me questioning the world around me. I can remember talking to him late into the night about "god" and "right and wrong" and general "why's" - My parents and family knew him as my imaginary friend... but i can still remember his dusty brown hair and tweed pants. I also remember that he was very blunt and to the point... hmm.
Ai was self conflicted, appropriate for a teen I guess. She made me think a lot too, and empowered me. She was mischievous and I am actually not 100% sure that she was benevolent. No advice I ever took from her specifically hurt me... but she didn't make my path any easier either.
So I have decided to go searching for my spirit guide... I did a long sit on the astral plane just "calling out"... I kept focusing on connecting with my guide... I didn't expect my "old" guides, they have long departed. After a while i finally started "journeying"
I was led to a "cave". It was just a rocky black void in the side of a hill. I entered it and inside i found a cold bench and a lit candle with a piece of paper on it, written in red ink. I looked and looked at the paper but as i would begin to focus on the words they would "scramble" so i couldn't read them. I was starting to get frustrated so i laid the paper back on the bench. I asked "spirit guide are you here?"
I felt a positive "yes" response so I continued...
I said "can you tell me your name?"
"Are you a person?"
"Are you an animal?"
"Are you something else?"
"Can you show me your face?"
"Can you show it to me now?"
"What is your name?"
I sit on the soil and draw a line... beneath me i see an etched symbol that i don't understand... I ask:
"can you write in so I can understand?"
I pick up the paper after a moment and see an "h" on the page... there is more after it but yet again i cannot focus.
"I cannot see... can you whisper it in my ear?"
What I hear is "hesa... hesahet... hesah... heset"
I have never heard any name like that before.... I am slightly frustrated.... I say:
"Can I find your name somewhere?"
thunder crackles outside...
I ask "Did you have anything with me being struck by lightning?"
"Were you trying to hurt me?"
"Are you a lightning being?"
"Is there a place I can find your name?"
"In a book?"
I go to my bookshelf and pick out a book (eyes closed during the whole time).... the first book I pick opens up to a random page and I open my eyes... the page is completely orange with no words... I close my eyes again and ask
"Please guide me to your name"
Eyes closed... I scan my shelf with my hand one book feel warm so I pull it out i slowly flip through the pages until one "tingles" and i place my finger on it... I scan the page with my finger until my finger touches a "warm spot"...
I say "Is this it?"
I open my eyes and I see thee words surrounding my finger:"solar, hathor, cow goddess"
So I ask "do you have a message for me?"
"what is it"
"ground and center"
- and its over-
Hmmm... so this is what happened. My question is, COULD she really be my spirit guide? I have never heard of this. My patrons are both celtic gods, and I thought I would get a "raven" or a "wispy cloud" or something as a spirit guide... or maybe even another one like my previous guides. I am not doubting it, but I am wondering why a goddess like Hathor would be interested in me? I don't even do anything with the Egyptian pantheon.
She was right though... that woozy feeling is giving me a headache... ground and center...
What do you think?